The summer has absolutely flown by. Another year gone like the wind, like the seasons, like snow.

Why is it the kids grow up so fast and adults seem to blink and miss it?

As a child we were looking for milestones. Milestones to be a teenager, to drive, to graduate, to drink, to be responsible.



Why are our children's lifes so fast when our's seemed to be so slow?

Do their's seem slow now?

Does she think her life is dragging when I'm trying desparately to slow the clock down?

Is this how my mother felt?

How will the separation happen in just 5 short years?

Will I be able to do it?

Will she?



So many unanswered questions, but for today, I will enjoy just being allowed another day to spend with her for she is the light of my life.

Appreciate What You Have While You Have It

I remember the phone ringing early in the morning. A different ring for some reason, one that made you automatically sit up and wait for the bad news. The next sound was the room door. Then footsteps coming up the steps.

It was mid-January 1986 and I was visiting my aunt in Ohio. My senior year, flying high and trying to figure out my next move. I was on top of the world, nothing could bring me down--or so I thought. That ringing phone, creaking door, and footsteps changed my life forever.

The light came on and my aunt was by my side telling me she had bad news. I didn't have to ask what, I knew and I wanted to go home before it was to late. That's the last thing I remember. Before it's to late. I have no idea where that knowledge came from, whether it was the differnt ring of the phone, something in my subconscience, or some devine being preparing me for the worst. Some how and from some where, I gathered up the strength to pack my suitcase, make a call to have someone meet me at the airport and take me to where I needed to be the place I should have been.

I left my aunt, uncle in cousins on the first plane out of Cleveland headed to Charlotte with my world crashing in around me. I don't remember the take off, the flight or anyone on the plane. I don't remember landing, meeting my friend or driving to the place I so longed to be since before 6:00 that same morning.

I do remember entering the building and hoping, praying that it wasn't too late. I found where I needed to be and entered cautiously, not knowing what to expect or how I was going to handle what I saw. I opened the door and their she lay. Tubes, oxygen, life support, an amputated leg to relieve the pressure on her heart--all I wanted was to turn back time. To be able to go back and make amends for every rotten terrible thing I've ever done. Did she really know I loved her? Did I tell her enough? This couldn't be the end. What were my last words? I didn't remember then, and I don't remember now.

Being 17 when my mom died from a massive heart attack was the hardest thing for me. I think now so more then in 1986. I never learned, matured enough, to know how to appreciate all the things that she did for me. All the sacrafices she made, all the "tough love" lessons she taught me. I was a typical, snot nose brat that thought the universe revolved around me. It was all about what I wanted, when I wanted it.

My mom was still alive when I got to the hospital, but she never heard me tell her I loved her and I was sorry. I never heard her say those words to me again. We buried her three days later.

I've made a lot of bad mistakes since then, but that day made me learn to make amends with my dad and learn to appreciate what I have while I have it. My dad's another whole story that someday I'll get to.

I love you mom, I hope you know how much. And I'm sorry I never learned to appreciate you while you were alive.

Do Parents Have a Life?

Why do parents get involved in their child's tiffs? Kids will be kids-- as long as blood is not drawn-- let them work out their own problems. We have all been there. Kids will be mad at each other one day and best buddies the next (especially girls). I really don't understand. Of all the years you could live over, why are you picking the teens?? Did you not have enough punishment the first time around? Or were you the one picked on so you have to re-live those years as an adult and pick on a kid--calling names, my spacing from your childs page (isn't there a mother in Texas on trial for that). Just totally stupid unadult behavior.

How do you expect your child to grow and learn when you are fighting the battle for them. These are the learning years. Your child will grow to be socially inept if you don't let them handle their own issues. Kids are immature, that's why they need parents.

So stop living vicariously through your child and let them live their life. You screwed up your own, don't screw up theirs as well.

The Game has Passed

Well, what can I say, my Panthers blew it. Yes, I will remain a die hard Panther fan. I even wore a Panthers sweatshirt today. I wasn't embarassed to wear it. That's my team, the one I pull for in a good season as well as a bad. I'm not going to put my team out on the corner any more then I would kick a friendship to the street over a disagreement. Jake had a terrible game. He has always been hit or miss, on or off, hot or cold, whatever. But to the best of my recollection how many other new franchised teams have ever been led to a superbowl, not to mention three---- yes count them---- three playoffs in the last six years. Now I don't pretend to follow all the teams, but out of the four that were franchised in '95, I believe the answer to that is ZERO. Did I mention that Jake led us to those three playoffs and the Superbowl? No, we didn't win, but we were there.



I am just as dissapointed as the other Panther fans at the outcome of Saturday nights game, but there is always next year. For now--I'll just wait---and hope we make it to another Superbowl, maybe next year, maybe not, but my loyalty will not change just because we didn't get there now.

Waiting on the Game

One of the things I love best about fall and winter is football. I've always loved to watch. It's always been a bummer with my female friends because most don't care to watch the game. Then I became friends with Ann. She loves the game as much as I do, so for the past six or seven years, we have bantered back and forth over Payton (whom she adores even to the point of having dreams about him and his brother Eli fighting over her), Tom (who had to sit on our sidelines this year literally), Jake who leads my team, and all the other players.



We do not agree on any team from college to pro. She will like one team and I will like another. I would pick a team opposite Ann just to keep the banter going. I have so much fun talking with her about football.



Ann called me Saturday night when her beloved Payton was playing. Now don't get me wrong, I like Payton as well, but I also pull for the team, not just the quarter back, which I'm not sure she does because she likes the hunks. However, when her Payton lost Saturday night and blew any chances of a Superbowl appearance in Tampa, Ann wanted to know if I was attending the Carolina Panthers playoff game this Saturday night. When I told her I was, she told me to "bite her". Jealousy????????? Surely not because Carolina still stands a chance to go to Tampa and all her other teams are out of the running. All except Eli. So I guarantee that if Carolina wins Saturday and Eli (because the Giants aren't a team without Eli) wins Sunday, then Ann will pull for Eli just because I'm pulling for Carolina.



Doesn't matter, I loved Ann when her and Rob and the whole crew lived in NC, and I love them all just as much even though she moved to the center of ---well----no where. That's right, she left me three years ago to move to the center of no where, but I guess my adoration for her family will follow her out there. She is a rock to me and the leader of my team even though she doesn't know it.



You're always the captain of my personal Superbowl team and I miss you terribly.